reevaluations

about life and relationships.
priority: liking who i see in the mirror -thru self-improvement/self reflection- and being actively involved w/ the handful of lives that make my life more dear.

actively involved is a task when things arent going peachy. im guilty of not responding well... either as support or as instigator...


mindful was one of the key words that got me to sign on to Live Lean.... its a new concept for me, not just about reacting impulsively (which i have to admit, feels sooo good sometimes). i think it has to do for me with maturing and recognizing the consequences BEFORE they happen. ... i had gone through a period where my rooted frustrations took form in hurtful (and what i thought "masterful") impulsive agressions... in turn frightened me and hurt people i cared for.

So now its not just about the nutritional and physical upkeep, but mental and emotional upkeep too. and i think its also important to try and surround myself w mindful instigators, and not energy suckers. I've also learned that Respect isn't to be taken as a light formality, that it is needed to maintain a balanced tie w another. unfortunately respect can be easily lost and very difficult to regain.

-- on this note i think of the latest heartaches of witnessing exteme pain in others i care for... sometimes as an active participant of that pain, other times just an innocent bystander. im observing that how we handle hurt and forgiveness' doesn't pan out the same for everyone and that grudges can be more damaging than the act that got it started in the first place.

i tend to forgive... i believe in the power of being imperfectively human and that fucking up is part of our nature (not as rutinal excuse... im nobodays floor mat, but more as a "what was i thinking: moment)and siempre y cuando the other person is accepting of the damage caused and changes needed. sometimes its just necessary to do away w the permanent pinch in your heart for having been harshly let down.

achem... back to live lean, i have been cheating myself from performing 100% in the cleanse (more like 70-85%) and tryyyyying to forgive myself for it (hahaha segway). i believe not a single day has gone by where i didn't consume something on the cross-out list : coffee once, sugar once, beer/drink thrice, chips, kudos, manchego, onion dip, burrata on a mouth watering salad at BH....(makes sense why i havent felt anything extreme hehe) its interesting though, i think sometimes I've done it as an impulsive response to feeling restricted (red flag guys! haha)

silly auto-battles here, but these 24 days have been about self study... so thaz what i do now. as a redeeming measure, i am going into colonics today for the second session, (hopefully they can extract all the bad stuff).

And the pictures, although not much to do with this blog, to do with my last week. enjoy! i sure did!